Almost immediately after Katrin left I got so tangled up in my own head that I went from horrified to angry. Fuck that masked bitch. She tried to kill me. It wasn''t my fault; I was a victim and she responded by trying to murder me. And what, now I was just supposed to give her my name? Also, what if it was all some sort of crazy trick? What if they''d put some kind of glamour on me so it seemed like I was a Sahrger? That was ridiculous, of course, everything made so much more sense this way, but... well, it didn''t seem fair that I had to be the one apologizing when it felt like my whole life had just been torn apart.


    I settled for leaving some notes in the memory palace, just in case she was still lurking around in there. Nothing too eloquent, but a brief message saying I knew who she was now and wanted to talk. I felt like I could maybe reach out and try to invite her in through the tether - hell, that had presumably been what happened when I tried to pull Katrin and Errod in, although it didn''t really explain the football team - but I wasn''t ready to do that just yet. There was no point in forcing a confrontation when I was still likely to tell her to go fuck herself. I knew that wasn''t right, and that I would need to apologize and try to make peace, but I wasn''t there yet.


    There was a knock at the door, and then it opened and Errod carefully leaned on the cabinet in the cramped space. He had an eyebrow arched all the way to his hairline, and a weary grin on his face. "Katrin says there''s something very serious we need to discuss. Are you going to try and change my mind again about going to Lord Protector Hammersmith?"


    "I... maybe? But that''s secondary to the actual... uh... thing. Errod, you know that I''ve had a lot of strange things about me, that we''ve... well, we''ve chalked it up to me being from Earth."


    This was hard. Errod was a good guy, much better than I was, but what would that mean? I was about to admit to being an accomplice in a kidnapping and identity theft scheme. I was confirming that it wasn''t just hyperbole and that I really was an actual sociopathic monster, and was in all likelihood feeding off of the soul of a real human - some poor abused girl who had tried to kill him which (for extra fun) meant that it was my fault he''d been attacked. I was silent for a moment, and then gave up and blurted it out.


    "Errod, I''m a Sahrger. A changeling. I''m not even really Calliope Smith."


    Errod looked shocked, but... there had been a delay. Had he just taken a second to process what I had said? Or did that look of surprise seem a little too... put on? "Oh," he said, "that''s... got to be very hard for you, to be just finding that out." He wasn''t a fantastic actor.


    "She told you already? I specifically asked her to let me -"


    He held a hand out to stop me. "No. Callie, no. Katrin didn''t say anything to me."


    "Oh please, I can tell you''re faking the surprise."


    He sighed, and slumped a little. "Don''t be mad."


    "I''m not I guess, but she..."


    "No, no. Don''t be mad at me. I... Callie, I''ve known for a long time."


    I wasn''t sure what I wanted to say to that, but when I opened my mouth all that came out was "You fucking what?"


    He held up his hands, defensively. "Callie, it''s just... it bothered me that those Sahrger granted us passage as if they owed you something instead of the other way around. And then those kids, they... well, it all sounded a little familiar, and then you said you had some innate magic, and... It all sort of added up. You didn''t see it because you had total faith in your own identity, and Katrin didn''t see it because she''s too clever, I think. She digs into the details and comes up with theories but sometimes she doesn''t take a step back and look at the bigger picture."


    "Why didn''t you say anything?"


    He sighed again, deeper this time, and then did an awkward little spin as he tried to pace around and found himself immediately out of space in the little wagon. "Well, honestly, I wasn''t completely certain. And it seemed like the sort of thing you''d want to figure out on your own. And... I don''t know, I figured there had to be a reason Connie didn''t tell you."


    Hang on. "Wait, she knew?"


    "She... she''d have to, right? Lord Protector Hammersmith would have told her, wouldn''t she?"


    "Hammersmith might not have known. What? Why are you giving me that look? It''s because I''m being an idiot again, isn''t it? Fuck. No, ah shit, you''re right. Someone shows up with these crazy stories and military intel, obviously Hammersmith took a good long look at her. Also - oh fuck - she said when she showed up she was all wrinkly and strange on one side from the time thing. She would have looked exactly like those super old Sahrger we saw, I even had that thought when her arm reverted that one time. Motherfucker. And wait, now that we''re talking about it... that guy, the one that looked at my memories after the burning building incident? He said some shit, I didn''t understand it at the time but..."


    He''d seen the edits on my memories. How could he not? It was a whole year plastered over with generic bullshit, it would probably be visible from space. But if he''d seen it that easily, and Hammersmith had obviously checked Connie out, then she knew that too. But Connie clearly hadn''t known about the memory edits or the Sahrger thing, which meant Hammersmith had kept all of it from her. From me.


    "Okay, new plan. Shit. I''m not going anywhere near Hammersmith. Fuck it. I know, I know, we''ll still need to get into Brinkmar - but I''m not spending more time than absolutely necessary with her and I''m certainly not putting myself into her custody. She''ll have people ready to try and bust in on the day, we can show up at the last second and let them in. I''ll still help save the world or whatever, I''m not a monster - well, okay, I kind of am, but..."


    Errod laughed.


    "Yeah, ha ha. But I mean, I''m literally a monster like my mom always said."


    "That''s - that''s awful. But Callie, don''t you understand? You keep talking about how bad you are at being a human, and how terrible you are. But you''re wonderful. Maybe you''re not the best person in the world, but Calliope? You are hands down the nicest, friendliest, most moral Sahrger that has ever lived. Give yourself some credit."


    "I... huh." I wanted to argue, but... well, he wasn''t wrong.


    He grabbed my hand and pulled me up off the bunk into a hug. "And frankly, you''ve always been too hard on yourself. You''ve consistently done the right thing, and while you may have been a bit... annoying... to live with for weeks at a time with no break, that''s most people." He released me and stepped back so he could look me in the eye. "You''ve implied that you''ve done bad things, and maybe you have, but I suspect that was years ago at this point. Let it go. And if you need to remind yourself to be good sometimes, well, I wish more people would be that active about monitoring themselves. It seems like most people just assume they''re good and don''t even consider it, which - trust me - leads to much worse behavior."


    I wasn''t sure what to say to that, so I just shrugged and kinda mumbled something.


    Errod seemed satisfied with that. "Anyway, this is a bit of a relief actually. I don''t know if you''ve already put this bit together, but you mentioned the wild mage has a connection to you and it''s been bothering me - do you think it''s possible that she''s..." he hesitated, probably stopping himself from saying ''the real Callie'', "the human one?"


    "Oh, she for sure is. She absolutely has to be."


    He nodded. "I was going to have to say something if Hugh did think of a way to lure her in and attack her. I mean, if she won''t listen and give you a chance I''ll stand by you but... I''d really rather not fight her if we can find another way. Can we? Have you thought of anything?"


    "I''m thinking. We know the default way is to just kill one or the other, which has clearly been the wild mage''s plan so far."


    "Until you mentioned the connection I just assumed she would be imprisoned somewhere. Did they let her go? Did she escape? Was the one who stole my toe another human that had been raised in Xeyul, since the mask looked so similar?"


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    "Oh! Shit, I can go back and use divination to see if someone actually stole your toe!"


    "Of course someone stole my toe. I told you they did."


    "Yeah, but... I mean, someone just jumps out of the bushes and takes your toe and vanishes? It always sounded sort of..."


    "Callie, you''re from another world that - somehow - nobody knows about. You''re a Sahrger that thinks she''s human and who has met a time traveling copy of herself. You have three Dumines. But if I say someone in a mask stole my toe, you''re going to look at me like I''m crazy and say it''s not believable?"


    "Fuck. Yeah, I can''t really argue with that. You''re absolutely right, and I''m sorry I ever doubted you. And we really will try to see who took your toe later, although a few other things are obviously going to take priority for now. I think... Professor Yanipliss doesn''t know how to cut fate threads probably. But in his book there was some stuff, I think we should make a detour to go see the guru that lives at Poicelria''s place on top of... whatever mountain it was. I can look it up. It''s that, threaten a Sahrger until they talk, or try to contact a god. And I don''t have a lot of faith in those last two."


    Errod winced. "Hugh isn''t going to like the new plan."


    "He''s a hard one for me to get a handle on. He let us go before, and he let me almost get myself killed doing my plan with the bounty hunters. But then he talks about Hammersmith like she''s the second coming - uh, Earth religious reference, sorry. Do we try to sneak away? Do we tell him everything? Something in-between?"


    "At a minimum we would have to promise him we''d be back to open the portal to Brinkmar. You know where it is?"


    "There''s one at the capitol of the Eternal Empire, but according to the notebook Connie left me that wasn''t the preferred route because of where it enters Brinkmar. Supposedly the Theramas one was damaged in the attack but I don''t know how badly or if it can be fixed. And there was one that was destroyed in the original timeline but not here because of how the war went... the notebook was a bit unclear on where that was, some fortress. Oh, and there''s obviously one in Halenvar so if the siege is over they might go through that. Since we can''t be sure, I''d say we just get to Theramas on time and they can teleport us from there."


    "So, we tell him we''re leaving and that we''ll be back to open the way for the army. Then... we offer him the option of coming with us? That way he can be sure we''re safe."


    I nodded. "I''d be happy to have him along, honestly. He''s a powerhouse. Although... huh. He''s maybe too strong? What if he just knocks us all out and drags us there?"


    Errod made a face like he was considering it, but pretty quickly shook his head. "I don''t think that''s going to happen. His skills are better at killing - or badly injuring - and what he would want is us healthy but incapacitated. I can''t imagine him being able to easily do that to all of us for long enough to get us anywhere."


    It was a fair point. Errod and I could be tied up, but I couldn''t be blindfolded due to the divination and Katrin''s spellcasting was very difficult to prevent. Hugh wouldn''t want to smash our skulls in, which is what his powers were actually best at - he''d said it himself, he went the path of a brute. Getting us tied up and keeping us that way would be difficult for him. Of course he could lay a trap, get word to Hammersmith somehow and have us surrounded at the next stop. We''d have to be careful about watching him any time he had a chance to communicate with anyone.


    Errod called Katrin and Hugh in, and while it was ridiculously cramped we did all manage to fit in the wagon in such a way we could make eye contact with each other.


    "Hugh. We need to talk."


    He smiled. "Ah. You do not wish to go to Lord Protector Hammersmith, yes?"


    "Got it in one. Yeah. Look, I know you want to do what''s right but we''ve realized that she hasn''t been honest with us. And you trust her, I get it, but she has kept important knowledge from us and I don''t think it''s a good idea for us to put ourselves in her power. Also, we''ve realized that the wild mage is... well, she''s not good news but she''s maybe a bit misunderstood so we think there''s maybe a way to stop her without anyone else dying and from an ethical standpoint we need to try that. But we can''t do anything while we''re locked up somewhere."


    "I see. And you all feel this way, despite the danger in delaying the attack on Halenvar''s forces?"


    Katrin nodded, but Errod just wrinkled his brow in thought. There was a long pause and I almost yelled at him but... well, I didn''t want him to make the decision out of pressure. Finally he looked at Hugh and gave one firm nod, and Hugh shrugged.


    "Well then, there is nothing I can do. Calliope Smith, you are certain about this?"


    "Hugh, I''m not abandoning the plan. I''ll be where Hammersmith needs me, with time to spare. I''ll open the way for the army, and we''ll clear Halenvar out of there no problem. There''s just a detour we need to take."


    He arched an eyebrow. "And am I your prisoner now?"


    "No! No, you can leave if you want. Or you can come with us, if that would make you feel better. But if you come with us we can''t let you tell anyone where we are."


    Hugh looked annoyed. "Fine. I can feel it in you, Calliope Smith. Something great and powerful. It is why I have trusted you before, yes? But this power, this potential, it does not come with wisdom. Being destined for something great is not the same as being destined for something good, yes?"


    And with that, he stormed out of the wagon.


    I caught Katrin up on the plan, and she agreed that the guru was as good a place to start as any. The conversation was a little awkward, unfortunately, as we all kept tripping over the name issue. Calling my nemesis "the wild mage" felt clumsy, but I wasn''t ready to just call her Calliope - that was my fucking name, even if it was stolen. Connie had seemed fine with being, well, Connie - but she''d already decided that she was dying and was focused on sort of passing the torch to me. In this case, I was generously agreeing to give the person who had repeatedly tried to murder me a chance. It wasn''t the same.


    The big problem was that I suspected hearing me call myself Calliope would send the wild mage into a murderous tantrum, thereby undermining any attempts to solve the situation without bloodshed. And part of me, I had to admit, would prefer that; I could say I tried, but still not have to really deal with it. It would be so much cleaner. Stupid morals. Who the fuck had put all that shit in my head? Why had I started caring about being a halfway decent person?


    "We can''t tell Hugh where we''re going ahead of time," Katrin said, "or he can set an ambush. But none of us know the best way to get to Poicelria''s castle from here. We''re not particularly far from Sentortzi, which would let us talk to Professor Yanipliss or get better maps or both, but would also give Hugh all the time he needed to have us arrested and shipped off to Hammersmith even if we''re not wanted for murder there. I can get directions from someone else as we travel, I suppose - I''ll look up the name of the mountain in The Paradox of Fate."


    I reached for the book. "I can do it, I remember what chapter it''s in."


    Katrin laid a hand on my arm to stop me, and slipped the book away from me. "Sorry. I know you''re pretty sure you''re keeping her from watching right now, but we should keep risk to a minimum. If she''s listening now we''ve probably already said too much, honestly, but starting now there''s no talk about our destination or any of our plans. You... focus on shoring up your defenses and learning how to control that connection."


    "Agreed," Errod said, "Sorry Callie. I know you don''t want to be stuck in here, but even if you talk to her we can''t trust her too easily. She''s dealing with a very personal vendetta and it may not be something she can let go of easily. Better to find a solution first, even if she says she''ll work with us."


    They left, and I was alone with my thoughts again. Hugh had taken it as well as could be expected, and Errod and Katrin were still treating me the same way as before. Other than being cooped up in the wagon things were actually going okay. I could feel my mostly-misplaced anger at the wild mage fading as my own anxieties slipped away, but I still ended up mostly staring at the wall rather than thinking about anything productive. Eventually we stopped for the night, and Hugh came in with a bowl of soup for each of us.


    "It is good, that you want to do the right thing," he said. "This is never easy. And since your arrival you have been through so much, all in this short time. I do not want to make your decisions more difficult, yes?"


    "Thanks Hugh. And it''s not just that I hate being locked up, though... I mean I won''t lie, that''s for sure part of it. It really is that this is important."


    We sat there for a moment, slurping our soup. I stared at my bowl, thinking about the taste. "You were on cooking duty tonight," I muttered, "I can tell."


    "Hah! Yes, you know I have a fondness for mushrooms. Clever little things, they grow in such tough conditions. Like people. And like people, they come in all shapes and sizes. Some are delicious, some deadly. Some are both. Like the drowned man''s toes - very beautiful mushroom, grows along the banks of rivers near stagnant pools. It tastes very good, but can easily kill you if you eat too much. Ah, but if you just have a taste? Well then, instead..."


    Hugh was talking about mushrooms again, and that was right. Because I was thinking about mushrooms. And dinner. And Hugh, being the cook. There was a larger thought there, one made out of all those parts, but thinking was... was very hard, for some reason. Focus. Hugh had said something about a deadly mushroom that tasted good?


    "It soups?" I slurred, and Hugh nodded.


    "Yes, Calliope Smith. It is in the soup."


    "Poison. Poison in soups."


    He nodded again. He was smiling, but it looked a little sad somehow. "Just a bit. Katrin and Errod are already asleep. Let yourself relax. It will not do permanent harm, yes?"


    I looked down at the bowl. If I could soup too much of the dinner before bedtime, I''d have to use the other bed. The healing bed. For too much soup. The un-souping bed would take the soup out of the poison. No, the poison out of the Calliope. Then I just needed to not have dinner next time. Right? Did that even make sense? I tried to lift the bowl to my lips, and suddenly it was gone. When had Hugh taken it? He moved too fast, somehow. Or I was moving slow, like the walls. The walls were moving, shifting, melting. It felt like a curtain coming down.


    I was going to be in the wrong bed, and wake up with Hammersoup. Frantically I scrambled for the memory palace, hoping it would let me stay awake, but I fell instead into an endless pit of darkness.